The Illusion of Ownership
Very early in life, we learn the concepts of “me” and “mine.” As children, we begin to develop a sense of self by becoming aware of our bodies as separate from others, realizing that we have control over our limbs and that our voices have the power to make things happen. Our cries bring our mother, and what we do with our hands has consequences.
Soon after, we understand that we are individuals with agency and, at the same time, we learn that others are too. They can enter our personal space and sometimes change our conditions. For a child, this is a rude awakening. This is the moment we learn to assert ourselves with the war cry, “Mine! Mine!” Though it has been many years since I was a toddler, I can still relate to the sharp feelings of upset, indignation, and anger that come with unwanted change. Can’t you?
In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, attachment or possessiveness is named as a primary obstacle to living in freedom. If our happiness relies on circumstances, possessions, relationships, our jobs, our bodies, our partners’ bodies, or our capabilities remaining unchanged, we will be consistently disappointed. Change is at the heart of life, and acknowledging this frees us from unreasonable expectations.
Non-attachment, while hard to perfect, offers abundant opportunities for practice. It would be unusual, and probably untruthful to say that any day is free of unanticipated change. How we respond to change reveals how attached we are. Change is not always a bad thing, though. We often choose change in favor of a better life, and at those times, we can recognize the inherent freedom we have to shape our future.
When we discover we are attached, we can pivot and step into our freedom. Some helpful questions we can ask ourselves include:
• What does this change represent for me?
• Does this change change me?
• What becomes possible now that this change has occurred?
This second question “Does this change change me?” is an important one. Those who study the yogic texts learn that only Ultimate Reality or Absolute Truth is unchanging. As particularized expressions of this changeless reality, we share that enduring quality. Through the processes of individuation and embodiment, everyone and everything is subject to the laws of physics (as we currently understand them) and the laws of karma (cause and effect). Both are in constant, dynamic flux, reacting to and informing circumstances in every moment. Both give and receive input, which affects outcomes. To pin our hopes and happiness on anything remaining unchanged is a recipe for suffering. Understanding this allows us to move skillfully within the framework, ensuring that our actions (thought, word, and deed) do not lead us to mistake the impermanent for the lasting and then lose our joy when change inevitably arises.
What can we do to safeguard ourselves from unwanted change? We could “want” less. Change happens. We can release the outcome of circumstances to the “force for good that is operating the universe,” as Roy Eugene Davis so wisely said. This is not simply a release of attachment, but an act of faith that strengthens our resolve and sharpens our spiritual vision to see the way ahead as it unfolds, unhindered by our preferences or aversions.
These words from the kriya yoga master, Lahiri Mahasaya are a guiding light for me on my path, “Always remember that you belong to no one, and no one belongs to you. Reflect that some day you will suddenly have to leave everything in this world so make the acquaintanceship of God now.” If God isn't your thing you can adapt this advice to say something like, make the acquaintanceship of the prospering flow of life now.
Whether we call that One Reality God, Truth, Divine Mother, Energy, Life, Higher Power, or The Force, we can want less and trust more in the unfolding, inherently prospering nature of the universe. We can step into the freedom of now where all needs are met and nothing belongs to any one person, but to everyone in the flow of life.
